I thought these fit well together, and while other steps also pair together well, these are different in that they both are things you need to do to maintain recovery for the rest of your life. And I just need to get this blog caught up to where I am in the program.
Step 10 daily accountability - continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong promptly admit it. This isn't something you do once and then you're done with it. Doing it today still means you have to do it again tomorrow. You can't just brush your teeth once and be done the rest of your life. Every day we are accountable for what we used that day to do. Are we productive with the time we receive that is a gift to us every day? Every evening we should take some time to reflect on the day and how we used it. Any mistakes we made or goals we failed to achieve we can commit to doing better the next day. This is especially important to maintain the progress we have made and keep from relapsing back into our addiction. If we do not focus daily on becoming better it is easy to fall back into old habits.
This is something I personally struggle with. I have never been very good at taking the time before bed to ponder, reflect, and pray. My husband likes to watch shows together before bed, and when we decide to go to bed I typically feel too tired to do this. So this is something I will be working on, and will likely work on for a very long time as I can see that it will be something I should do for the rest of my life, and I don't know when this will become a habit that is easy for me.
Step 11 personal revelation - seek through prayer and meditation to know the Lord's will and have the power to carry it out. This is how we should begin each day, with a prayer seeking to know the Lord's will for us for that day. He will not tell us everything, otherwise this life would not be a test. But if we are not seeking to know His will, then when we need His guidance it will not be there for us. Just as I will be working on step 10 for a long time I will likely also work on this for a long time. I think both these things will be easier to incorporate into my life when my children are not quite so young. If I don't at least try now then I will be missing out on strength and blessings that I could really use right now.
It's that endure to the end concept. Okay now that I've changed my heart, and overcome so many obstacles and am no longer absorbed in my addiction I need to take steps to insure that I stay as strong as I am now, and continue to progress on my journey.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Step 9: Restitution and Reconciliation
Wherever possible, make direct restitution to all persons you have harmed.
For me, and my addiction those harmed are my family, and the only real way to make restitution would be to change my habits. To spend more time with them, and to keep a clean functioning household. These are things I have been working on all through this process. I have felt the change in my heart that these things have become my priority. They used to just be things I knew should be a priority, and wanted them to be, but they weren't. Now they are much more than ever before. And if you were to ask me when the change happened I honestly couldn't tell you, but now, when I look at my day I just do things much differently than I did when I was stuck in my addiction. The occasions when I do check Facebook I spend no more than 15 min. at a time there, and it is only after the needs of me and my children have been met. It just isn't as important to me any more. This morning I woke up early, because for once I slept really good, and my first thought was, "now I have time to study my scriptures before the kids get up." It used to be that such time would be spent checking Facebook without having to worry about being interrupted by children. I remember when I would forget to eat because I was so involved in Facebook. Now I get out of the house more, and have guests over more. Sometimes I go a couple days without getting on Facebook at all, and I don't even notice. So, I think I have made restitution to me and my family as much as possible. My children are still too young for me to ask forgiveness and have them know what I am talking about, and my husband forgave me the instant I started this program and worked to improve. I think I was able to forgive myself when God taught me that great lesson in humility during step 7. So now it is time to let the past be in the past, and look forward to each new day and the good things I will do to continue to progress.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Thoughts on last night's class. . . Cleansing the inner vessel.
Last night we studied step 10, but I haven't quite finished step 9, so these are my thoughts on some of the discussion we had in class. No steps just reflection on progress, addictions in general and the total awesomeness of this program!
Through this whole journey I have still been using Facebook, and there has been a part of me that wasn't sure if I was really honestly working on my addiction. I was completing all the steps sincerely and they didn't seem to change the fact that I have friends there and enjoy interacting with them. A man in class argued with me that since my addiction is just as real for me as any other is for anyone else I need to give up Facebook completely. An alcoholic has to give up going to bars, a porn addict has to give up the internet. . . or set parental controls, a smoker has to give up cigarettes, so it's only right and makes sense that I should have to give up Facebook. . . in his mind. Up until confronting him last night I wondered in the back of my mind if this was true.
There are two points to be made, one is that ultimately this isn't a Facebook addiction it is a Slothfulness addiction and Facebook happens to be my current method of choice to be slothful with. If the only thing I did was give up Facebook I would merely replace it with TV or games on my tablet or cell phone. What I needed to learn was better time management. The next point is that Facebook does enrich my life and the lives of those I interact with there, and TV or games do not. Are there ever any circumstances in which porn, drinking, or smoking is uplifting and edifying? NOT A CHANCE! But there have been many times when Facebook has been uplifting and edifying for me over the past couple months.
The beauty of the twelve step program is that it focuses on changing the inner vessel. I kept waiting for the step that was "Give up doing whatever you are addicted to." But that wasn't the title of any of the steps. They talked in the reading about ways you should be making progress with the addiction by the time you get to that step, but the focus of each step was on me, not on my addiction. Until we change our hearts we have no hope of overcoming our addictions, or our favorite sins. Everyone has a favorite sin that keeps them from God that they don't want to give up. When we follow not only the little repentance steps we learned as children but follow the more intensified version in the addiction recovery program it allows Christ to change our hearts. He will help us find joyful uplifting ways to meet our emotional or physical needs that we think are being met by whatever favorite sin we have. The drinker will no longer WANT to go to a bar after his heart has been changed. The smoker will no longer crave cigarettes. The porn addict will not longer crave porn. My husband was once a porn addict and I trust him to pay bills online, and use a smartphone! GASP! Why do I trust him? I can see the ways his heart has changed. I can see in his countenance that he is a different man through the atonement of Christ. Until our hearts have changed all other changes are only on the surface and relapse back to our sin is inevitable.
I have changed a lot over the past several months. I am no longer the woman I was when I started this blog. I have given up those aspects of Facebook that did not enrich my life. It no longer feels like the most important thing in my life. My life is more well rounded. I still don't love doing laundry, but it gets done anyway, and I joy in pleasing my God and my husband and children.
The argument with the man in class finally ended when he asked me if I feel okay about my Facebook use even when I pray about it. With a clear conscience and a peaceful heart I was able to answer "Yes." In that moment I knew that, though I haven't prayed this specific prayer, I have prayed many others and I felt at peace that I am no longer controlled by my Facebook addiction. I am the one in control and God knows my heart and has changed my heart. It was hard for me to see it because I couldn't seem to tell if I had overcome this or not. I was still using Facebook after all. But I have learned healthier ways of meeting my needs and I have learned to limit my time there, and I have learned to limit the things I use Facebook for to just those things that are beneficial to my life.
Our hobbies can be good healthy things, but they need not rule our lives. When we become the ones in control and the important things get done first we are no longer addicted to slothfulness. We are simply people with a hobby.
Through this whole journey I have still been using Facebook, and there has been a part of me that wasn't sure if I was really honestly working on my addiction. I was completing all the steps sincerely and they didn't seem to change the fact that I have friends there and enjoy interacting with them. A man in class argued with me that since my addiction is just as real for me as any other is for anyone else I need to give up Facebook completely. An alcoholic has to give up going to bars, a porn addict has to give up the internet. . . or set parental controls, a smoker has to give up cigarettes, so it's only right and makes sense that I should have to give up Facebook. . . in his mind. Up until confronting him last night I wondered in the back of my mind if this was true.
There are two points to be made, one is that ultimately this isn't a Facebook addiction it is a Slothfulness addiction and Facebook happens to be my current method of choice to be slothful with. If the only thing I did was give up Facebook I would merely replace it with TV or games on my tablet or cell phone. What I needed to learn was better time management. The next point is that Facebook does enrich my life and the lives of those I interact with there, and TV or games do not. Are there ever any circumstances in which porn, drinking, or smoking is uplifting and edifying? NOT A CHANCE! But there have been many times when Facebook has been uplifting and edifying for me over the past couple months.
The beauty of the twelve step program is that it focuses on changing the inner vessel. I kept waiting for the step that was "Give up doing whatever you are addicted to." But that wasn't the title of any of the steps. They talked in the reading about ways you should be making progress with the addiction by the time you get to that step, but the focus of each step was on me, not on my addiction. Until we change our hearts we have no hope of overcoming our addictions, or our favorite sins. Everyone has a favorite sin that keeps them from God that they don't want to give up. When we follow not only the little repentance steps we learned as children but follow the more intensified version in the addiction recovery program it allows Christ to change our hearts. He will help us find joyful uplifting ways to meet our emotional or physical needs that we think are being met by whatever favorite sin we have. The drinker will no longer WANT to go to a bar after his heart has been changed. The smoker will no longer crave cigarettes. The porn addict will not longer crave porn. My husband was once a porn addict and I trust him to pay bills online, and use a smartphone! GASP! Why do I trust him? I can see the ways his heart has changed. I can see in his countenance that he is a different man through the atonement of Christ. Until our hearts have changed all other changes are only on the surface and relapse back to our sin is inevitable.
I have changed a lot over the past several months. I am no longer the woman I was when I started this blog. I have given up those aspects of Facebook that did not enrich my life. It no longer feels like the most important thing in my life. My life is more well rounded. I still don't love doing laundry, but it gets done anyway, and I joy in pleasing my God and my husband and children.
The argument with the man in class finally ended when he asked me if I feel okay about my Facebook use even when I pray about it. With a clear conscience and a peaceful heart I was able to answer "Yes." In that moment I knew that, though I haven't prayed this specific prayer, I have prayed many others and I felt at peace that I am no longer controlled by my Facebook addiction. I am the one in control and God knows my heart and has changed my heart. It was hard for me to see it because I couldn't seem to tell if I had overcome this or not. I was still using Facebook after all. But I have learned healthier ways of meeting my needs and I have learned to limit my time there, and I have learned to limit the things I use Facebook for to just those things that are beneficial to my life.
Our hobbies can be good healthy things, but they need not rule our lives. When we become the ones in control and the important things get done first we are no longer addicted to slothfulness. We are simply people with a hobby.
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