Until being honest with myself I could not even face that I was addicted to slothfulness. I believe I achieved this step, around the time I started this blog. I readily admit my flaws and shortcomings. I know I cannot overcome this alone. I have made progress, but keep having days when for one reason or another I just can't seem to get past it. It's like I faze out. I go into another world and I forget I have made goals and commitments in this world. I think one day of laziness won't matter, but I lose any momentum I have gained and it is like starting all over again.
I have been trapped at times feeling like I just can't leave the computer to do other things. I don't yet know any pattern to my relapses. Maybe when I've had a hard day with my daughter, or just when I get board or unmotivated. I justify my addiction saying that I'm not actually doing anything wrong, but neglecting to do the things that are right is what makes it wrong. The honesty of step one is liberating. By honestly acknowledging my flaws and faults I can face them, overcome them, and move forward with God's help. I know the Lord is pleased with my honesty and humility.
The progress I have made recently is since Saturday I have started reading my scriptures on my phone every day, whenever I have a minute here or there. If I am powerless to overcome this, then the help has to come from God. If I want His help I better be willing to put in the work to get it. Not sure that's part of step one, but it's where I'm at.
Step one seemed easy, but I think that is because in reality I've been working with step one for at least a month now. It started when I realized and admitted to myself that it is an addiction and progressed till I was ready to admit I needed outside help to overcome the addiction. I hope I can work through each step as I attend the meetings and keep up with where we are in class, but I fear that it won't be that simple or easy.
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