Step 2: Hope

So after step one I realized I needed outside help to overcome this.  I knew I could not do it alone.  I was honest with myself that as silly as it may sound to someone else I was addicted to the computer and it had made life unmanageable.

Now I have to have hope that through the Atonement of Christ and with His help I CAN overcome this.  I have to believe that He loves me enough to do this and that this problem is worth His help.  I get this in theory but I don't know how deep it has actually sunk in yet.  I have received help from God through other trials in the past, and have no real reason to believe He would not help me with this too.  I also know He can do anything for His children as He is all powerful.  Yet I can't seem to put it all together to think He WILL help ME with this.  It feels a little bit silly and not worth His time.  It feels like something I should be able to overcome and so something not worthy of asking for help to overcome.  I know however that without hope I will not be able to move forward and I want to believe, and hope that He will help me.  I want to believe He loves me, and I want to believe that my problems, however trivial they may seem, are not trivial to Him simply because they are not trivial to me.  I have the desire to believe.  I just need to continue working on that desire till it becomes faith and test it so it can become stronger.  I am reading scriptures daily, and now I think it is time to add prayer to the equation.  I pray in the middle of trials, but not as a regular thing.  I seem to get distracted so easily.  I want to apply Christ's Atonement to my life in a new way.  I have used it to heal from the hurt of the sins of those around me, to help me love and forgive them, but as of yet I've not felt the need to use it much for repentance of my own sins.  Sure I've repented of little things here and there along my path in life, but most of my sins are sins of omission that ultimately I am still repenting for.  I need to learn that He can help with this type of sin the same way He can help with people who commit sins.