First here is just a little more background about me and my family.
I am the mother of two children with one more on the way. My oldest is a three-year-old girl, and the next is a one-year-old boy. My husband is working two jobs for now, until we get into a better financial position for him to go back to school and get training for a job that will pay enough on it's own to support us. I have a degree in Visual Art, and after my children are old enough I hope to be able to do something with it like selling art, or giving art lessons. We live in an apartment and to save money we use a Wonder Wash for our laundry and hang it to dry on a line in my daughter's bedroom. Otherwise it would be $3.00 per load in the coin operated machines in the basement provided by the apartment complex, which really adds up faster than you would think. We've been using the Wonder Wash for a good couple years now and have likely saved a good couple hundred dollars by doing so. So if you've wondered why I have to do laundry EVERY DAY in all my posts this is why. There is a limit to how much I can do at once. But I've found that IF I actually do one or two loads a day I CAN keep up. I only fall behind when I am slothful and neglect to do a little bit every day (or when the kids are sick and I have to clean puke or diarrhea out of clothes on top of the regular laundry).
Now that you understand about our laundry situation here is the sort of relapse I had on Saturday December 29.
For my church I am the secretary for the children's group called Primary for Children at Church age 3-12. I do a lot of the behind the scenes stuff for teachers and the Primary Presidency. The new year is always a busy time as I get things ready for the next year. The teachers get new books and I write a lesson schedule for them to follow over the year. I also get things ready for a new bulletin board surrounding the new theme for the year. So on Saturday I was trying to get all this together before my husband would leave for work. I wasn't able to finish everything so I had to have him leave the computer home. After finishing what I needed to do I ended up getting on Facebook and wasting time yet again. I did manage to get one load of laundry done when I really should have done two. And I did manage to clean the bathrooms which desperately needed it, but I could have used my extra free time doing things with the children and I didn't. Yet again I let them watch TV and I was on the computer. Granted they were both sick and it was cold outside so I wouldn't have taken them anywhere. But I could have been reading books with them, or SOMETHING. I'm sure I'll learn more activities to do with my children as I actually spend time trying to keep us occupied doing things together. Even though I knew what I was doing I couldn't seem to help it. The computer was right there and I just got sucked in. I couldn't seem to stop myself. And I did the same thing on Sunday, though I also used the computer to finally write our "Christmas" newsletter. So I was more productive than I used to be, but I spent way more Facebook time than I should have. This is proof to me, that I really NEED to have my husband take the computer. This shows me that I, of myself, am powerless to overcome my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable.
From the LDS Addiction Recovery program guide, Step one: Honesty "Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable."
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