My life as an addict

Seeing the title of this blog you might think I'm crazy to say that I have an addiction to slothfulness.  I thought my sister was when she told me she was going to an addiction recovery class for her addiction to procrastination.  But I had a breakthrough and realized it was an addiction and I couldn't overcome it on my own. But that will be my next post.

Here is what my life was like as an addict.  My house was never clean, except for company.  And that was always a stressful time getting it ready for company.  My children watched TV all day and I justified it because we would use Netflix so it was commercial free and I had full control of the content.  This is better than what some parents do for their children, but it is still teaching my children from an early age that it is okay to be lazy and sit around doing nothing all day.  I was also teaching this by example.  While they watched TV I would be on the computer playing facebook games, reading blogs and interacting with my facebook friends.  These things are not bad in and of themselves, but when taken to excess they were debilitating.  I always was behind on things like laundry and dishes.  My sink and hamper were always full.  This made me depressed and I used the computer as an escape from reality.  Sound like some other addictions you know of?

Addiction: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, or alcohol) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly : persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful

My computer use was to a point that it was harmful to me and my family.  I would rather be on the computer than interacting with my children.  The guilt of knowing how much time I was wasting lead me to spend yet more time on the computer to escape these feelings.  My house got messy and out of control, and I used the computer to escape from that too.  It might sound silly at first to say I'm addicted to slothfulness, but realize that for me this was every bit as powerful and hard to overcome as any other addiction, and in some ways worse.  There are no studies that I know of to back me up here, no psychological diagnoses.  Only studies about obesity and fitness and health which I also don't fit into. With every feeling of guilt and depression I would continue using the computer as an escape and never face my problems like I needed to.  My children were not very well behaved because they craved real attention.  My husband would come home from a long hard day at work, and find our home in a worse state than it was when he left, and I would be depressed so he wouldn't say anything to me about it.  He had worked on improving himself and had become the wonderful man I had always wanted him to be over the past year, and now it's my turn to work and become a better wife and mother.